Monday, May 21, 2007

It was bound to happen

You all knew at some point I would post about my personal life. In particular, you were going to hear musings about my misfortunes with the opposite sex. Well, this time it is different. IT is different because I am no longer musing about the gender as a whole, or even the girls I have been chasing. This time it is time to get serious and talk about the one that may have gotten away, that I pushed away.

I am in love with Janice. I love the way she feels, the way she talks, the way she looks at me and the way she can comfort me. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. A couple of months ago I made the biggest mistake of my life as I pushed the person that I wanted away.

I was dumb and confused. I wanted to be her everything and couldn't be. I guess I thought it would be better to be her nothing, I was so wrong. I pushed her away. I don't know what I was thinking.

I took the time that we were separated to get my life together, get a handle on bills and really have a plan to improve my life. I realize that I did these things for her. I mean I did them for me, but really I did them for her. I wanted to be the best possible man for her. She is my everything.

Well it has been a couple of months and I had such a horrible pain in me that I had to call her. Just hearing her voice was amazing. I wanted to hold her and kiss her. I wanted to be near her again. I profusely apologized for the hurt I had caused her, knowing that nothing I said would make it better. I wanted to to everything I could to make things better and get back on track, the track where we would live our lives together. And then it happened...

She told me that she started seeing someone else. My heart sunk, crashed in the pit of my stomach and broke into a million pieces. How could this have happened. How could the girl of my dreams, the one who is meant to be with be have found someone else. My heart has been in those pieces, still sitting in my stomach ever since.

We have talked the past couple of days. It has been good to hear her, but hard to listen. I want her back so badly; and I have hope that we will get back together. I am still madly in love with her, and I believe that she is still in love with me.

I am going to try to do the things that made her fall for me. I really just want to see her, cause I think when we look into each others eye it will get better. I know that they will.

I am hopeful that I can make right the biggest mistake I have ever made.

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