Thursday, May 31, 2007

What am I still doing on the East Coast

This is the week of Memorial Day, and for the first time in six years and have not been traveling to an institution of higher learning, to see friends, debate and hopefully do some good for residential students across the country. That is right, I said six years. That is a long time. If this was any point in the past six years I would have been at NACURH.

NACURH, or the National Association of College and University Residence Halls, was a huge part of my life. It is an organization that works to improve the lives of students, living in residence halls, across North America and slightly beyond. It has been around for just over 50 years and has come along way, becoming the largest student run incorporation in the world. Over the seven years that I went to school I was part of NACURH, from conference participant to voting representative for my school, to conference chair, regional board member, national board member and National Chair. Clearly this took up alot of my life, but the best parts were the people.

I made amazing friends throughout my time in NACURH. They are the type of people that I may not talked to in months, but as soon as we are on the phone things pick up right where they left off. They are fantastic.

So this week I normally would have packed my things and headed out to Oshkosh Wisconsin to live, learn and enjoy 2900 of my closest friends. I miss it, but I am glad that I have been able to keep the friends and leave some of the Drama.

I also feel like the org is in good hands, Jacob Dixon, Former CAACURH Regional Director, AD and Conference Chair, is the new National Chair, and he is going to do amazing things. Congrats Jay!!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

In the OC

So I am here with 7 of my brothers and good friends. It has been an interesting couple of days, a hard couple of days, and as much as I want to just relax and let everything go, I just can't. It is to hard. I guess it is time to figure out this stuff, and how I need to deal with it. It is just stacking and building. I am really glad that I am here with my friends, though I feel like I should be in two other places as well, each of them having their own reasons. I need to make sure that things get better, I believe they will, but this is going to be another hard time. I need to not make the mistakes that I made previously, rather face the issues that are at hand and turn them into opportunities. There will be good that comes from all of this, there needs to be.

Between the health issues of my father, the girl I want back more than anything, my friend in the hospital with his stomach in a container behind him, well lets just say there is quite a bit going on. This is on top of my soon to be roommate leaving the country, my mother needing an MRI for vertigo and me looking for an apartment. busy and stressful, and what I really need is... I am not sure what I really need.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

An Interesting Reflection

So I took some time today to read over some of the oldest posts I did in a previous blog and it was some interesting reading. I clearly lamented for a long time in my early college years. I struggled with spelling (the url was misspelled), my emotions, and particularly women. Amazingly, even back then I knew. July 23rd 2005, I knew. I was in love, and I still am.

Okay, good post, see you later :)

Monday, May 21, 2007

It was bound to happen

You all knew at some point I would post about my personal life. In particular, you were going to hear musings about my misfortunes with the opposite sex. Well, this time it is different. IT is different because I am no longer musing about the gender as a whole, or even the girls I have been chasing. This time it is time to get serious and talk about the one that may have gotten away, that I pushed away.

I am in love with Janice. I love the way she feels, the way she talks, the way she looks at me and the way she can comfort me. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. A couple of months ago I made the biggest mistake of my life as I pushed the person that I wanted away.

I was dumb and confused. I wanted to be her everything and couldn't be. I guess I thought it would be better to be her nothing, I was so wrong. I pushed her away. I don't know what I was thinking.

I took the time that we were separated to get my life together, get a handle on bills and really have a plan to improve my life. I realize that I did these things for her. I mean I did them for me, but really I did them for her. I wanted to be the best possible man for her. She is my everything.

Well it has been a couple of months and I had such a horrible pain in me that I had to call her. Just hearing her voice was amazing. I wanted to hold her and kiss her. I wanted to be near her again. I profusely apologized for the hurt I had caused her, knowing that nothing I said would make it better. I wanted to to everything I could to make things better and get back on track, the track where we would live our lives together. And then it happened...

She told me that she started seeing someone else. My heart sunk, crashed in the pit of my stomach and broke into a million pieces. How could this have happened. How could the girl of my dreams, the one who is meant to be with be have found someone else. My heart has been in those pieces, still sitting in my stomach ever since.

We have talked the past couple of days. It has been good to hear her, but hard to listen. I want her back so badly; and I have hope that we will get back together. I am still madly in love with her, and I believe that she is still in love with me.

I am going to try to do the things that made her fall for me. I really just want to see her, cause I think when we look into each others eye it will get better. I know that they will.

I am hopeful that I can make right the biggest mistake I have ever made.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

My Dad is Proud of Me

I love my family, and I am a momma's boy through and through, but something happened this weekend. My father stopped me and said "I am really proud of you". Now, for you this may not be a big deal, but for me the was one of the greatest things I have ever been told.

My father, who I believe is the epitome of living live genuinely, is notably not what many people would consider a success. For example, he dropped out of high school in the 10th grade. Has been a mechanic for the City of Philadelphia, and the SEPTA all his live. He works hard, with long nights and mandated overtime when it snows. He goes to work each day, to a place that most of us would never consider an ideal working environment. He lives in a small row home in North Philadelphia, not a dangerous neighborhood, but not one you want to walk around in wearing an iPod, or at night (I guess that actually is dangerous). But my father has never made excuses and makes the best out of his situation.

He works hard, harder than I do, and performs beyond expectations, consistently wowing his peers with incredible innovation in his work. Outside of Mr. Paul, the name thrown around the shop to describe my father is MacGuiver. He keeps fire trucks and police cars on the road, and while that may not seem like a big deal, he, and I, find a great deal of pride in that. While no one would say he is living in the lap of luxury, he is somewhat comfortable. I find him to be incredible, and he said he was proud of me.

As cliche as it may be, I think my Dad is my hero. It is a constant that you have pride in your heroes. It is something special when your heroes have pride in you.